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Before we get into blame and shame, let’s just agree that care must be taken with a list of the worst ever pick up lines because so much can depend on context, and whether the recipient is willing to give the benefit of the doubt. And, let’s face it, introductions can be pretty awkward at the best of times.

Imagine you are the chat-er, you’ve spotted someone across a crowded room. To their credit, your best friend has melted away refusing to play go-between with that limp old line about my friend really liking you. So, you’re on your own, you really do like the look of that person, the pressure’s on. It’s now or never…

Now imagine you’re the chat-ee. You’ve made the effort to come out tonight, you’ve got dressed up, and you’re trying to remain optimistic, despite feeling a little self-conscious. You could really do with hearing something kind to boost your self-confidence. Just a promising friendly overture would do…

And suddenly, it’s unmistakable. Someone is making their way over. Your heart pounds, your hands are sweating. What don’t you want to hear?

#1 The unimaginative chat up line:

Do you come here often?

This unimaginative chat up line is a sure sign that the chat-er has tried and failed many times before, and is really just going through the motions. You’re just another tragic statistic.

#2 The terrible pun:

Do you have any raisins? How about a date then?

At least there’s an attempt at humour, and the chat-ee has the customary opportunity to offer a good-natured roll of their eyes. But the best reply the chat-er can possibly expect is ‘I’m sorry, I’m currantly busy.’

# 3 The awful joke:

The chances are the terrible punner has some self-awareness. But the awful joker is too closely related to the unimaginative to be taken seriously. Picture the poor chat-ee still struggling to respond appropriately to ‘do you come here often?’ when out comes:

‘I suffer from amnesia. So what I really mean is do I come here often?

#4 The stolen line:

Beware of poetic chat-up lines. Even if they are not instantly recognisable, they will have been stolen from someone else. They are a sure sign that the chat-er fancies themselves more than they fancy you.

‘Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day…?’

No, don’t bother.

#5 The heart sinking:

These are the very worst if you’ve actually really liked the look of someone until the moment they open their mouth and out comes a line of such crass insensitivity you want to cry:

‘You remind me of a girl/boy I used to date,’ or

‘Are you religious? Cause you are the answer to all my prayers’.

These are the sorts of lines that make you wish you had stayed at home and tried out one of those new online dating sites where you can get to know potential matches discreetly and enjoy some genuine gaff-free Christian dating or just some more thoughtful dating.

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